Whenever...

...someone says "She's all I wanted in a woman and more"...I start wondering if "she" has a penis.

No, I'll take the bus

EMS line rings.  Surprise...it's EMS.  They responded to a call about a man who got hit by a truck had his legs run over.  Emergency resident picked up...

Resident: How soon will you be here?

EMS: We haven't left the site yet

Resident: What? Why?

EMS: The patient doesn't want to go to the hospital

Resident: What? Why?

EMS: He just wants to take the bus home

Resident: Is the patient awake? Put him on

EMS: You're on speaker phone now

Resident: Sir, you were run over by a truck.  If you don't come to the hospital, YOU WILL DIE

Victim: Man...I just want to take the bus home.  Leave me alone

(Attending takes over)

Attending: Is the patient intoxicated?

EMS: Negative

Attending: Do you think the patient is going to decompensate within the next 10 minutes?

EMS: Negative

Attending: Seriously?

EMS: Patient's BP is 210/110

Attending: Ugh

EMS: Patient wants to get on the bus.  I really feel like this patient should come in.  I'm afraid I'll lose my medical license if this goes wrong

Attending: Okay...well do your best to bring the patient in.  We want to see him.

Patient never came in.

"dream come true"

Someone I know recently posted on their twitter "Tailgaiting with such and such, this is such a dream come true!".  If your dreams (goals) are to get drunk with strangers, your dreams are kind of shit.